Pay day on Friday, £5.37 in my bank account and £3.78 in my purse and a three quarter of a tank of diesel to take us to mum in law’s (Bristol) and back on Friday. It’s like this every month. I have just enough. There is plenty of food in the house and everything is paid by direct debit. The lodger pays me on Friday and that will cover my water bill. I reassure myself that it’s all OK.
Yesterday with mum has left me feeling ‘out of sorts’. I don’t usually go in ‘normal’ shops and therefore don’t have many reminders of how some people live. As you all know, I deal with the mess I’ve made for myself in a positive way and walk on the sunny side of the street. Today though, is not so good.
What I saw yesterday, in Fowey, were people escaping from their reality. They were away from home, on a break and I know that’s what we all need once in a while. My own mum, who doesn’t have a car, dropped lots of hints yesterday that it would be nice to go out for the day; to somewhere like Tavistock and go round the shops and go for lunch. I don’t have the heart to tell her “Mum, I could afford the diesel to come and see you today and I can afford the Diesel to go and see DB’s mum on Friday, but that’s it.” Our (with Dearly Beloved) days out are lovely. We go somewhere, find somewhere free to park, go for a walk and usually sit in the car with a flask and a bit of homemade cake, we chat and enjoy each other’s company. We’ve no money, but for that moment, in our moneyless world, it doesn’t matter.
I look positively at having what is truly necessary and no more. I have food, clothing, enough heat not to be chilly, the library, nice places to walk, a decent home. I also think that a social life, hobbies and life enhancing experiences are also truly necessary; they all make us who we are. Today, I feel like the last miser in the village who can’t afford to take my mum out for the day and although I don’t feel ‘down’ about it, it doesn’t make me feel good either.