Walking for sanity!

Today I needed space, light and empty air. I needed to be alone, quiet…….close to God and I knew just where to go. Thank you Bodmin Moor for being there; I needed your solitude, peace and emptiness this evening.
Today was utterly dreadful and has pressed on me like a lead vest and I have felt stressed to the point of nausea and being unable to breathe. Somehow, I have to drag myself out of bed and go to work for another round of targets, brow beating and being told over and over that we should be doing better. I would like to start each day with my personal target of being loving, kind to people and friendly; but actually it’s just about getting a score on a piece of paper and I have to pretend that I believe in it.
That’s why I needed to walk amongst ponies, bogland, peat piles and granite and to remember that in 2012…….I can give this all up!

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20 thoughts on “Walking for sanity!

  1. What are we doing to our teachers??
    I hear of many others feeling stressed and unapprieciated too.
    A lovely experienced teacher at my sons primary school left to work as a teaching assistant in another school as she couldn't cope , this can't be right !!
    Hope your week gets better
    Jacquie x

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  2. I've been following your blog for a while now but never posted. You are an inspiration and a great role model! I'm a teacher too, so although I don't know your exact situation, I sympathise. Unfortunately sometimes the only way to get through it is to think of the money! Not the best way forward but might get you through to the weekend. Hope tomorrow is better, xx

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  3. Just think of all the things you have done to get to this point. There is an end to this and you will get there. I have never (not actually) met someone with such grit and determination as you. Just keep breathing because half term is just round the corner. Hugs.xxx

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  4. Sometimes I think you have to be an undercover real person in jobs like that. I left teaching because I couldn't take it any more. I didn't want to grow old like the crabby people I was working with. Surely they didn't start out that way? Maybe when you get out of debt, and you're speeding toward it!!!!!, you might do something very different. Write that book!! ~Liz

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  5. Oh I felt for you as I read your post. Perhaps I can say a prayer for you? I hope you aren't offended by that πŸ™‚
    As an ex teacher I appreciate what you are saying. I hope your pupils are nice. I often got through the target setting and death by paperwork by concentrating on the kids and trying to forget the politics. I really hope you have a lovely weekend – you deserve it.
    Lynn.

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  6. I have to work a job that lies square across the path of my ethical beliefs. I could look for something else but would only end up working somewhere similar and probably for less money.

    Take heart from the fact that even in a class of the unruliest of kids there will be one who is taking it in and remembering and you are making a difference to that one person. You may hate it but they will need it.

    And take solace in the fact you have the Hurlers so close to go and lose yourself in. It's a magical place and possibly one of the best places I have ever visited. When you connect across eons to another people somehow trivialities of life, no matter how important they seem, drift to insignificance.

    I wish I had a stone circle somewhere near!

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  7. It's bash the teacher week again – and we're not even past the second week of term. It makes my blood boil how we teachers are the scapegoats for all of society's ill's -I work in Special Needs with 8 years experience as a SENCO – the latest OFSTED report was a farce along with the misquoted – out of context press coverage. If we are all so bad why do exam results keep on improving year by year? because we all jump through hoops – that's why. On a more positive note though – keep on smiling amd taking solace as and when you can. You are a good teacher and a good person, people count, not figures. xxx

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  8. It's bash the teacher week again – and we're not even past the second week of term. It makes my blood boil how we teachers are the scapegoats for all of society's ill's -I work in Special Needs with 8 years experience as a SENCO – the latest OFSTED report was a farce along with the misquoted – out of context press coverage. If we are all so bad why do exam results keep on improving year by year? because we all jump through hoops – that's why. On a more positive note though – keep on smiling amd taking solace as and when you can. You are a good teacher and a good person, people count, not figures. xxx

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  9. I know what it is like to have that kind of day, week, month or more. It's been a year now of a job I adore, but I spent 3 years working in a call center -billing dept- that I hated because it was the best paying job I could get. Hang in there!

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  10. My work moved with no warning or choice or adaptation of hours and from taking less than an hour door to door it now takes 2! The place we've moved to is not somewhere I'd ever want to work by choice and is filled with false rich people. My employer's perogative you may say but I'd dedicated almost 20 years of my life and my childrens' growing up time working what amounts to years of unpaid overtime and I was treated no better and in face in some cases worse than people who'd been there a very short time. Do I hate going to work everyday? You bet I do! Like you I feel let down and undervalued and drag myself there everyday. This is so unlike me but I just think about the money these days and look forward to the day I can get out! hugs and stay strong! Once you get yourself in a great financial position you can walk- That's my plan!

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  11. Froog, look at all the people who have responded to your post. All these people supporting you and thinking of you. I remember it all very well. The things that got me through the day were so tiny and so significant: a smile from a pupil who had been sad for weeks, a cuddle from one of the kids on the playground, a child understanding something for the first time.

    I vividly remember the reaction of one of my colleagues when I showed her a piece of work one of my pupils had done. The kid was in year 5, had severe dyslexia, a very poor attitude to work and learning, a troubled home life. But one day he wrote a few lines down for something I had set, and in those 5 or 6 lines he wrote with feeling and compassion. For me this was a huge achievement. I happily waved his work round in the staffroom. The literacy co-ordinator took one look and said, do you really think this is something to be proud of? Six lines at year 5? It's absolutely appalling, and if you think that is a good piece of work, I'm seriously worried about your teaching.

    I was utterly blown away. The need for the right amount of level 4s and 5s, the need to tick the right boxes, the need to produce all the right figures, utterly wiped out the true purpose of teaching. From that day on I stood my ground. I didn't want to turn into that woman who ripped apart my pupil's work. I wanted to see the good in even the slightest achievements. Did that make me a bad teacher?

    I know exactly how you are feeling. Keep that good piece of work, that smile from a pupil, a joke made in class, the pupil who suddenly understands, at the front of your mind. And remember you are brilliant, inspiring, and caring – a wonderful person and a wonderful teacher. πŸ™‚ hugs xx

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  12. My husband felt much the same way as you do before he retired. He taught a practical subject (woodwork in his day but now “resistant materials”) and felt frustrated at the amount of paperwork he AND the kids were forced to do when all they all wanted to do was get on and MAKE something! He loved spending time with the children and sharing his skills, but he was glad to finish with the hassles of the paperwork. He was Head of Dept for a good few years before he had to take some time out over an illness, and when he went back, to a different school, it had all changed so much he felt overwhelmed!

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  13. I'm saddened to hear that teachers get such a hard time, I can totally sympathise about targets, its the same in the Probation Service and sucks you dry, stopping you doing the actual job x

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  14. You definitely chose the right place for solace. Up by the Minions is a wonderful place and I am glad I managed to have a walk up by there again this summer. The breeze up there should blow a few cobwebs away too – and hopefully a few of the memories of nasty moments with them. Focus on the good bits as has already been said above.

    Glad the marmalade is good.

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  15. Oh darling, we live in a world of targets and hoop jumping where there is no room even for 'best value' anymore – just 'cheapest is best'; and there is just an endless wall of performance targets and HR jargon to deal with. I take my Mister's view – if you have no respect for those passing out judgement then their opinion is not worth getting upset about. I work in Local Govt where the Daily Mail readers of this world think that all is Nirvana and gold plated pensions. For the very highest grades maybe so – but the reality is that there are people working on the lowest scale earning 37p above the National Minimum Wage of Β£5.93 that will apply from October (when I will find out whether my job will still be here).

    I'm glad you have regained proportion in your fantastic surroundings and faith. Life is beautiful and bigger than the day to day crap we burden ourselves with πŸ™‚

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  16. My heart goes out to you. I left teaching some years ago as I could'nt stand it any more. Poorer now but much happier. I read your blog every day, I can't begin to tell you how much you've inspired me with all your cost cutting ideas. You've almost reached your goal, keep in there girl.

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  17. Hello there! I just sooo agree with you. I am a primary teacher and I love my time in the classroom. But my heart sank on the very first day of term when one of our first meetings was about target setting and how we were not 'up to scratch' with last year's results. I wonder if you knit? It's a great way to cut down expenditure on clothing, especially if you spin and dye as well. Love your blog. I'll call back soon. Ros

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